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Boos, yes-buts and bouquets for Mulholla... Let our people get on with the job of cr... |
The sacrilegious state of Madiba's PC weddingTWO years ago, Mrs X (she asked to remain anonymous), pregnant with her first child and hoping to meet President Nelson Mandela, was barred by security from touching her hero's hand. Two weeks ago, the same lady - pregnant again, with her second child - parked her car in front of Mandela's house hoping, once again, to meet him. She had read a newspaper report that the President was getting married to Graça Machel. No, she was told, the President was not getting married. She stayed in her car anyway, her suspicions deepened by a growing number of journalists, who were there for the same reason. The dedicated journalists, who had spent some time waiting for action in front of Mandela's house in Houghton, were told by Madiba's spokesman, Parks Mankahlana: "Please guys, move away - or do you want me to call the police? You are being an inconvenience to the neighbourhood." Sure as manure in a cowshed, beefy members of the police force turned up to move the obstinate journalists away. There was no wedding, therefore no cause for the journalists to hover around Mandela's house, and so Mankahlana said: "Get!" I believe it was during that time of confusion that the lady decided to leave - her dream of meeting the President once again aborted. The skinny, smooth-talking Mankahlana had, in the previous week, frequently denied rumours that the President was getting married. Even on that very day of the wedding, he was still denying the veracity of the claims that Madiba was tying the knot. Mankahlana, as you might have noticed, means "yes" when he says "no". No, a respectable man doesn't lie - he just strays from the truth, as we say in Zulu. On Sunday, the day after the marriage, we all reported on the wedding. Ja-nee. But there were some other interesting juicy bits about the Madiba shindig that were missed in the rush of putting the story together. Juicy bits such as the pregnant lady. Juicy bits such as another lady who, dressed in a domestic worker's uniform, tried to slip into the Madiba household, pretending she was one of Mandela's many workers. Mission foiled. But the juiciest bit is how Madiba - I keep flogging this comatose horse - strayed from African tradition. Apart from the ilobolo bit, which I railed about in this joint a couple of weeks ago, he did not invite people to his wedding - and that is sacrilegious, seeing that he is of royal Tembu stock. Ever politically correct, he invited leaders of various religious sects to officiate at the wedding. Hindu, Christian and Jewish religious leaders took turns showering the couple with blessings and good wishes. I wonder if Madiba's ancestors in the netherworld could make sense of the diverse utterances. As the celebrations were going on inside, the pregnant lady was still waiting outside, nursing the hope that she might be allowed a mere glimpse of the bridal couple. Tough luck. Like the rest of us, she was not welcome. In Nguni tradition, not only do you invite as many people as you can, but you also leave your gates open so that whoever wants to join you as you attack the meat can do so. Kayihhashi! Only four people witnessed the religious wedding ceremony. Obviously, in Madiba's case, as President of one of the most violent, politically volatile and racist countries in the world, security had to be stringent. But Madiba went to extremes by allowing his spokesman to be economical with the truth about whether the wedding was even taking place or not. You might be wondering just why it is that I'm revisiting this issue, but I was reminded of it this week when I bought the August issue of Enterprise magazine. Its cover boasted "World scoop - Mandela wedding pictures". The magazine also produced a 16-page supplement on the wedding with pictures of Madiba and Graça, their faces resplendent with tika, the beauty dots Hindu brides wear on their foreheads. Inevitably, Jon Qwelane - who is editor-in-chief of the magazine - is at the side of the bridal couple, just to add authenticity to the shoot. I was about to say the magazine paid Madiba for exclusive rights to cover the wedding, but I've now decided not to - seeing that a daily rag which reported something to the effect that money had changed hands in the Madiba affair has been hauled before the press ombudsman. The newspaper has been asked to apologise for a report suggesting that Mafube Publishing, which owns Enterprise, had bought the exclusive rights to the Madiba wedding. Being a simple man, I'm not concerned about such serious issues. My mouth salivates and my stomach rumbles every time I think of the meat that was had at the shindig. Madiba, can you be this cruel to my fangs?
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